Goodbye Tumblr,
I will be seeing you in a week and a half’s time. I will miss you. Thanks for getting me addicted.
Sincerely,
A very tired Krystyn
Today, so unexpected. I can’t even begin to say how flipped my world is now and just how quickly it happened. Like always. It only takes one conversation, the wrong words said or maybe the right ones, to make you see the big picture. Being re-introduced to yourself through another person. Looking at yourself through another’s eyes. It’s scary and sometimes you really are blinded from the truth because of your heart, because of the love you feel for someone. Realizing that the last 4 years of your life could have been used on much more productive things. Than him. I hope I’m not too late to change this because I am NOT being that person, THAT girl that is screwed over and can never truly be happy. One person is NOT screwing this up for me because I am stronger than that. They taught me better. Everyone said this would happen. I defended and defended each and every time assuring things would be different, that things would change. They obviously haven’t. You have just evolved. Into someone more clever, knowing just how to blur the lines enough to make everything okay and giving me just enough to feel satisfied. Always breaking your promises and giving me all this bullshit. I should have listened and now… everything is clear and the traffic of words that everyone told me is crashing into a blank spot in my mind, slowly unravelling and making sense. I’m scared and my heart is racing. I probably won’t be okay for a while, it’s to be expected. I never wanted this to happen now, I planned for it though, months down the line when I was in a better… environment. Now, I have to face this, it will NOT affect my time here, my friends, my family but it will affect me. I may put on the same face but just know that I am now changed. A little more damaged but equally so, new wounds just re opening. Everything that has hurt these last 4 years have been ripped open and I am laid out, as vulnerable as ever. My breath is ragged and it’s hard to take a deep breath. The tears will eventually stream down my face but it won’t be until I am alone in my room with all the thoughts finally coming together. Finally making sense. My moment of clarity.
That feeling you get when you’re lying on your bed and suddenly tears fall. You don’t know why either, but it’s unstoppable. The feeling of wanting to be alone but yet comforted by others; taken care of and especially loved.